The Gift of Forgiveness

1. The Gift of Forgiveness: A Powerful Toltec Teaching

"You've got a new book to write now!" said Toltec spiritual teacher Don Miguel Ruiz, his steady gaze meeting mine.

A transformative encounter. During a workshop in Teotihuacan, Mexico, author Olivier Clerc experienced a profound teaching from Toltec spiritual teacher Don Miguel Ruiz. This encounter introduced Clerc to the Gift of Forgiveness, a powerful practice that would change his life and become the subject of this book.

The Gift of Forgiveness is a unique Toltec teaching that offers a way to free oneself from negative emotions, judgments, and resentments. It involves asking for forgiveness rather than granting it, shifting the focus from others to oneself. This practice aims to restore the natural flow of love in one's heart, which can become blocked by past hurts and grievances.

2. Asking for Forgiveness: A Paradigm Shift

"We use others," Don Miguel explained, "we use the Devil, God, and most of all ourselves, to hurt ourselves, to stop ourselves from loving, and to let ourselves be trapped in fear and judgments."

Reversing the forgiveness dynamic. The Gift of Forgiveness challenges our traditional understanding of forgiveness. Instead of positioning ourselves as the ones granting forgiveness to others, we ask for forgiveness from those we feel have wronged us. This shift:

• Removes us from a position of superiority
• Acknowledges our role in maintaining negative emotions
• Opens our hearts to love again

By asking for forgiveness, we take responsibility for our own emotional state and release the power we've given to others to affect our capacity to love.

3. The Process of Asking Forgiveness: From Others to Oneself

"Now," he said, "ask for forgiveness from the Devil."

A comprehensive approach. The Gift of Forgiveness involves a structured process of asking forgiveness from various entities:

1. Other people: Visualize individuals and ask for their forgiveness
2. The Devil: Representing negative forces or energies
3. God: Or whatever higher power one believes in
4. Oneself: The most crucial and often most challenging step

This process helps release judgments, resentments, and negative emotions at multiple levels, from interpersonal relationships to one's relationship with the universe and oneself.

4. Forgiveness as Inner Liberation, Not Condoning Actions

"The Gift of Forgiveness is intended to free you from the chains of anger, resentment, fear, or vengefulness that restrict your heart and hinder your overall capacity to love."

Inner peace vs. outer justice. The Gift of Forgiveness is primarily an inner process aimed at personal emotional liberation. It does not:

• Excuse or condone harmful actions
• Prevent seeking justice or taking appropriate legal action
• Require maintaining relationships with those who have harmed you

Instead, it allows you to approach difficult situations from a place of inner balance and peace, rather than from anger or revenge. This practice helps heal emotional wounds independently of any external procedures or outcomes.

5. Regular Practice: Cleansing the Heart of Emotional "Dirt"

"We wash our hands and take showers on a regular basis because, however careful we may be, our activities make us dirty and not always sweet-smelling. Likewise, the Gift of Forgiveness offers our heart the cleansing energy of love and forgiveness, when we have let too much emotional "dirt" accumulate around it."

Emotional hygiene. Just as we maintain physical cleanliness, regular practice of the Gift of Forgiveness serves as emotional hygiene. It helps:

• Clear accumulated negative emotions
• Restore the heart's natural capacity for love
• Maintain emotional balance and openness

The frequency of practice can vary based on individual needs, from daily to occasional use when feeling emotionally burdened.

6. The Two Counteragreements: Reversing Toltec Wisdom

"The opposite of a truth often holds another truth, some sages say."

Complementary perspectives. Clerc introduces two "Counteragreements" to Don Miguel's Toltec Agreements:

1. "Take everything personally" (vs. "Don't take anything personally")
2. "Make lots of assumptions" (vs. "Don't make assumptions")

These counteragreements are not meant to replace the original teachings but to offer complementary tools for personal growth. They can be particularly useful for individuals who struggle with the negative formulation of the original agreements or who have very active minds.

7. Making Multiple Assumptions: Freeing the Mind and Heart

"Instead of not making any assumptions—too much to ask from a mind such as mine—I resolved always to make at least two opposite assumptions in every situation, and many more if I could."

Expanding perspectives. The counteragreement "Make lots of assumptions" encourages:

• Creating multiple, often contradictory, explanations for situations
• Avoiding getting stuck in a single, often negative, interpretation
• Using the mind's full capacity to think, imagine, and reframe situations

This approach helps prevent the heart from becoming mired in negative emotions by keeping the mind active and exploring various possibilities. It promotes mental flexibility and emotional resilience.

8. Self-Forgiveness: The Keystone of Emotional Healing

"Remember: the impact you feel from others' judgments is in direct proportion to the severity of the judgments you make about yourself."

The foundation of forgiveness. Self-forgiveness is the most crucial aspect of the Gift of Forgiveness practice. It:

• Addresses the root of our reactions to others' judgments
• Frees us from our harshest critic: ourselves
• Enables us to truly accept forgiveness from others

By learning to forgive ourselves, we become less vulnerable to external judgments and more capable of maintaining an open heart. Self-forgiveness acts as the keystone that supports and strengthens the entire structure of forgiveness in our lives.

Last updated: October 23, 2024