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Love People, Use Things

Love People, Use Things

Because the Opposite Never Works
by Joshua Fields Millburn 2021 336 pages
3.78
4k+ ratings
Self Help
Personal Development
Relationships
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Key Takeaways

1. Minimalism: The Path to Freedom Through Intentional Living

Minimalism is the thing that gets us past the things so we can make room for life's important things—which aren't things at all.

Essence of minimalism. Minimalism is not about owning less, but about making room for more of what truly matters. It's a tool to rid yourself of life's excess in favor of focusing on the essentials. By clearing the clutter from your life, you open up space for the most important aspects: health, relationships, passion, growth, and contribution.

Benefits of minimalism:

  • More time and energy for meaningful pursuits
  • Reduced stress and anxiety
  • Improved focus and clarity
  • Greater financial freedom
  • Enhanced relationships

Minimalism is highly personal and looks different for everyone. The goal is to keep only what serves a purpose or brings joy, and to let go of the rest. This approach extends beyond material possessions to include relationships, commitments, and even thoughts.

2. Declutter Your Space, Declutter Your Mind

Our material possessions are a physical manifestation of our internal lives.

Start with the stuff. Decluttering your physical space is often the first step towards a minimalist lifestyle. It's tangible and provides immediate results, which can motivate further changes. The process of decluttering forces you to confront your relationship with possessions and consumption.

Practical decluttering strategies:

  • The Packing Party: Box up everything as if you're moving, then only unpack what you need
  • The 90/90 Rule: If you haven't used an item in the last 90 days and won't in the next 90, let it go
  • One in, one out: For every new item you bring in, remove one
  • Digital declutter: Apply minimalist principles to your digital life as well

As you declutter, you'll likely uncover emotional attachments to objects and confront the reasons behind your accumulation. This process can lead to profound insights about your values, fears, and desires, paving the way for personal growth and a more intentional life.

3. Honesty and Truth: The Foundation of Meaningful Relationships

The cost of the truth is drudgery and diligence and delayed gratification, but the reward is a peace of mind so great that the labor is always worth the price.

Cultivate radical honesty. Truth-telling is crucial for building strong relationships and living an authentic life. While honesty can be uncomfortable in the short term, it leads to greater trust, respect, and intimacy in the long run. This applies to relationships with others as well as with yourself.

Benefits of embracing honesty:

  • Stronger, more authentic relationships
  • Increased self-awareness and personal growth
  • Reduced stress from maintaining lies or half-truths
  • Greater integrity and self-respect

Practice honesty in all areas of life, from small daily interactions to major life decisions. Be willing to have difficult conversations and confront uncomfortable truths. Remember that honesty doesn't mean being cruel; it's possible to be truthful while still being kind and considerate of others' feelings.

4. Self-Care: The Cornerstone of a Fulfilling Life

Health is wealth. Moreover, optimal health is real wealth.

Prioritize your well-being. Self-care is not selfish; it's essential for living a meaningful and productive life. When you take care of yourself, you're better equipped to care for others and contribute to the world around you. This includes physical health, mental health, emotional well-being, and spiritual growth.

Key aspects of self-care:

  • Physical: Proper nutrition, regular exercise, adequate sleep
  • Mental: Continuous learning, challenging your mind, mindfulness practices
  • Emotional: Processing feelings, setting boundaries, seeking support when needed
  • Spiritual: Connecting with your values, meditation, spending time in nature

Remember that self-care looks different for everyone. What's important is finding practices that truly nourish and rejuvenate you. Make self-care a non-negotiable part of your routine, understanding that it's an investment in your overall quality of life.

5. Align Your Actions with Your Values for True Contentment

The most genuine way to live is to align your short-term actions with your long-term values.

Live with intention. Identify your core values and use them as a guide for decision-making in all areas of life. When your actions align with your values, you experience greater fulfillment and less internal conflict. This alignment leads to a sense of purpose and authenticity.

Steps to align with your values:

  1. Identify your core values
  2. Regularly reflect on how your actions align with these values
  3. Make decisions based on your values, not external pressures
  4. Be willing to say no to things that don't align with your values
  5. Surround yourself with people who support and share your values

Remember that your values may evolve over time, and that's okay. Regularly reassess and adjust as needed. The goal is to live a life that feels true to you, not to adhere rigidly to a set of unchanging rules.

6. Financial Freedom: Spend Less, Save More, Live Better

Debt-free is the new pay raise.

Master your finances. Financial freedom is about having control over your money, rather than being controlled by it. This doesn't mean you need to be wealthy, but rather that you live within your means and have enough to support your values and goals.

Key principles for financial freedom:

  • Live below your means
  • Avoid debt, especially consumer debt
  • Save and invest for the future
  • Focus on experiences and relationships over material possessions
  • Understand the true cost of ownership for any purchase

Develop a healthy relationship with money by aligning your spending with your values. Remember that true wealth is about having enough to live comfortably while also having the freedom to pursue what matters most to you.

7. Creativity Flourishes in the Absence of Distractions

Creativity requires a certain amount of distraction-free time—or "deep work," as Cal Newport calls it—and to get there, I frequently remove potential distractions for a period of time to determine whether they add real or imaginary value.

Embrace focused creation. In our hyper-connected world, constant distractions can stifle creativity and productivity. Creating space for deep, focused work is essential for bringing your best ideas to life. This often requires intentionally removing or limiting distractions.

Strategies for distraction-free creativity:

  • Designate specific times for focused work
  • Create a dedicated workspace free from distractions
  • Use tools like website blockers or app limiters
  • Practice digital minimalism by removing unnecessary apps and notifications
  • Embrace periods of boredom as opportunities for creative thinking

Remember that creativity is a muscle that needs regular exercise. Make time for creative pursuits, even if they're not directly related to your work. The more you practice focused creativity, the easier it becomes to enter that state of flow.

8. Nurture Empowering Relationships, Let Go of Toxic Ones

You can't change the people around you, but you can change the people around you.

Choose your relationships wisely. The people you surround yourself with have a profound impact on your life. Cultivate relationships that support your growth and align with your values, while being willing to let go of relationships that drain you or hold you back.

Characteristics of empowering relationships:

  • Mutual respect and support
  • Honest communication
  • Shared values or goals
  • Encouragement of personal growth
  • Positive energy and inspiration

Signs of toxic relationships:

  • Constant criticism or negativity
  • Lack of respect for boundaries
  • Emotional manipulation or control
  • One-sided effort or energy drain
  • Dishonesty or lack of trust

It's okay to outgrow relationships or to realize that some connections no longer serve you. Letting go of toxic relationships creates space for more positive ones to enter your life. Remember that it's not selfish to prioritize your own well-being in relationships.

Last updated:

Review Summary

3.78 out of 5
Average of 4k+ ratings from Goodreads and Amazon.

Love People, Use Things received mixed reviews. Many praised its insights on minimalism and intentional living, finding it thought-provoking and helpful for decluttering both physical and mental spaces. Readers appreciated the personal anecdotes and practical advice. However, some criticized the book as repetitive, preachy, and lacking depth. Critics noted issues with privilege and oversimplification of complex topics. The writing style and structure were divisive, with some finding it engaging and others disjointed. Overall, the book resonated with those seeking to simplify their lives but fell short for others expecting more nuanced discussions.

Your rating:

About the Author

Joshua Fields Millburn is a prominent figure in the minimalism movement, known for his work as part of The Minimalists duo. He has authored five bestselling books and gained recognition in major publications like the New York Times and Wall Street Journal. Millburn's influence extends to speaking engagements at prestigious institutions and corporations. His podcast, The Minimalists Podcast, has achieved top rankings in the health category on Apple Podcasts. Additionally, he co-created the popular Netflix documentary MINIMALISM. Originally from Dayton, Ohio, Millburn now resides in Los Angeles, where he continues to promote simple living and intentional lifestyle choices.

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