Key Takeaways
1. Disappointment is inevitable in a broken world, but God's love is constant
Look at your disappointments through the lens of the great love of God. It will change how you see everything.
Disappointment is universal. We all face situations that make us say, "It's not supposed to be this way." These moments of disappointment stem from the gap between our expectations and reality. We long for perfection, but we live in a fallen world.
God's love provides perspective. While disappointment is inevitable, God's love remains constant. By viewing our disappointments through the lens of God's love, we can find hope and meaning. This shift in perspective doesn't eliminate pain, but it does provide a framework for processing it.
Practical steps:
- Acknowledge your feelings of disappointment
- Remind yourself of God's unchanging love
- Look for evidence of God's faithfulness in your life
- Share your struggles with trusted friends or a support group
2. Living between two gardens: From Eden to the New Jerusalem
We live with anxiety from the first garden and with anticipation for the final garden.
Two gardens frame human existence. The Bible begins with the Garden of Eden and ends with the New Jerusalem, often described as a restored paradise. We live in the tension between these two realities – the memory of perfection and the promise of restoration.
Present reality is marked by imperfection. Unlike Adam and Eve in Eden, we experience shame, unmet needs, lack of confidence, and distorted vision. However, the promise of the New Jerusalem gives us hope for a future where these struggles will be resolved.
Navigating the in-between:
- Recognize that current struggles are temporary
- Hold onto the hope of future restoration
- Find glimpses of God's goodness in the present
- Cultivate practices that remind you of both past and future perfection
3. Jesus experienced human suffering to become our compassionate high priest
Jesus learned through His suffering an obedience that matured over time.
Jesus fully embraced humanity. Christ didn't just appear human; He experienced the full range of human emotions and struggles. This included facing temptation, feeling abandoned, and enduring intense physical and emotional pain.
Suffering equipped Jesus for His role. Through His experiences, Jesus became uniquely qualified to serve as our high priest – one who can sympathize with our weaknesses and intercede on our behalf. His suffering wasn't pointless; it was preparatory.
Implications for our suffering:
- We have a Savior who truly understands our pain
- Our struggles can equip us to help others
- Suffering can deepen our relationship with God
- We can find purpose in pain by viewing it through an eternal lens
4. God's promises apply to both external problems and internal struggles
God's promise fulfilled applies both to problems placed on us and problems within us.
External and internal challenges. Life's difficulties come in two forms: those imposed upon us by others or circumstances (external) and those stemming from our own choices or nature (internal). God's redemptive work addresses both types of problems.
The symbolism of hyssop. Throughout Scripture, hyssop is used in rituals of purification and protection. It appears in the Passover (external protection), David's plea for forgiveness (internal cleansing), and at Jesus' crucifixion – symbolizing the comprehensive nature of God's redemption.
Applying God's promises:
- Recognize that no problem is beyond God's reach
- Seek God's help for both circumstances and character
- Trust in the completeness of Christ's work on the cross
- Allow God to use your struggles as a testimony to His grace
5. Confession, cleansing, creation, and calling: The four steps of restoration
Turn the tragedy of sin into a victorious testimony.
Confession: Honestly acknowledging our failures and struggles before God and trusted others. This vulnerability breaks the power of secrecy and shame.
Cleansing: Receiving God's forgiveness and allowing His truth to wash away guilt. This step involves accepting the reality of God's grace and letting go of self-condemnation.
Creation: Allowing God to form a new heart and renewed mind within us. This is both an instant reality and an ongoing process of transformation.
Calling: Embracing the purpose God has for our lives, which often involves using our past struggles to help others. Our pain can become a platform for ministry.
The restoration process:
- Requires time and patience
- Involves both divine action and human cooperation
- Leads to greater intimacy with God and effectiveness in service
- Transforms our identity from victim to victor
6. Resist temptation by focusing on God's truth and avoiding isolation
The enemy wants us to have an eroded trust in God and elevated trust in ourselves.
Recognize the enemy's tactics. Satan seeks to isolate us, making us more vulnerable to deception. He exploits our disappointments and unmet desires, offering counterfeit solutions that lead to destruction.
Combat lies with truth. Jesus modeled resistance to temptation by quoting Scripture. We must intentionally fill our minds with God's Word to counter the enemy's whispers.
Strategies for overcoming temptation:
- Memorize key Bible verses relevant to your struggles
- Cultivate deep relationships within a faith community
- Identify and avoid situations that make you vulnerable
- Practice regular self-examination and confession
- Seek accountability from trusted friends or mentors
7. Embrace suffering as a path to spiritual growth and maturity
If God thought we could handle the promise today, He'd lift us up today. But if we aren't standing on that firm rock, singing a glorious song, it's because He loves us too much to lift us up there right now.
Suffering has purpose. While God doesn't cause all suffering, He can use it to develop our character and deepen our faith. James encourages us to "consider it pure joy" when we face trials because of their refining effect.
Growth requires discomfort. Just as physical muscles grow through resistance, our spiritual lives are strengthened through challenges. Comfort can lead to complacency, while difficulties push us to rely more fully on God.
Reframing our perspective on suffering:
- Look for lessons and growth opportunities in trials
- Trust God's timing and process
- Share your struggles to encourage others
- Cultivate gratitude even in difficult seasons
- Celebrate small victories and signs of progress
8. Live with an eternal perspective while finding purpose in present pain
How we live on this side of eternity matters.
Kingdom-minded living. While we anticipate future perfection, our present actions have eternal significance. Every choice we make can contribute to building God's kingdom here and now.
Present purpose in pain. Our sufferings aren't just something to endure until heaven; they can be channels through which God works in the present. Our response to difficulty can inspire others and demonstrate the reality of our faith.
Balancing eternal focus with present engagement:
- Use your unique struggles as a ministry platform
- Invest in relationships and community
- Pursue excellence in your work as an act of worship
- Look for ways to bring glimpses of heaven to earth
- Cultivate habits that remind you of eternity (prayer, study, service)
- Remember that small acts of faithfulness have cosmic significance
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Review Summary
It's Not Supposed to Be This Way receives mostly positive reviews, with readers appreciating Lysa TerKeurst's vulnerability, relatable writing style, and biblical insights. Many found comfort and strength in her words during difficult times. The book's structure, including reflection questions and prayers, was praised. Some critics felt it was repetitive or too self-focused. Overall, readers value TerKeurst's honesty about her personal struggles and her emphasis on trusting God through disappointments, though a few questioned the theological depth or appropriateness of sharing certain personal details.