Key Takeaways
1. Love Is Your Essence: Embrace Your Feminine Light
You are love, flowing with love, bright as love.
Your true nature is love. At your core, you are the embodiment of love's radiant light and flowing energy. This essence yearns to be seen, felt, and offered fully to the world. Your heart's deepest desire is to give and receive love without bounds, to be recognized as the divine expression of love that you are.
Embracing your feminine light involves:
- Allowing your body to open and surrender to love's flow
- Expressing your heart's yearning through your entire being
- Offering yourself as a gift of love's radiance to all
By living from this place of love, you naturally attract and inspire deep connections with others, especially with men who can meet your heart's profound longing for divine love and recognition.
2. Trust and Surrender: The Path to Deep Intimacy
Your yearning draws him deeper, and when his claim commands your heart, you surrender more fully.
Deep intimacy requires mutual trust and surrender. For a woman with a feminine essence, this means learning to trust a man's capacity to guide your heart open more deeply than you can yourself. It's about surrendering to love's command, not just to a specific man, but to the divine love that can flow through him.
The dance of trust and surrender involves:
- Choosing a man whose integrity and presence you trust to open you spiritually and sexually
- Allowing yourself to be "claimed" by love, even when it feels vulnerable
- Expressing your full range of emotions and responses to guide your man's loving
This path is not about weakness or dependency, but about opening to a love larger than yourself. It's a practice of softening your protective shells and allowing love to move through you fully, creating a depth of connection that neither partner could achieve alone.
3. Masculine and Feminine Polarity: Understanding Sexual Essence
Your sexual essence is your sexual identity. It has nothing to do with the gender of your body.
Sexual essence is about energy, not gender. Each person has both masculine and feminine qualities, but usually resonates more strongly with one. Understanding your core sexual essence helps you align with your deepest desires and attract complementary partners.
Characteristics of feminine and masculine essences:
- Feminine: Flows with life's changes, yearns to be filled with love's presence
- Masculine: Seeks purpose and direction, desires to penetrate life with consciousness
Recognizing your essence doesn't limit you; it helps you understand your natural inclinations and deepest fulfillment. A woman with a feminine essence may be highly successful in her career (a masculine pursuit) but still yearn for the deep surrender and opening that comes from being claimed by masculine presence in intimacy.
4. Stages of Love: From Neediness to Divine Offering
You are either allowing your life to be lived open as love, or you are settling for less.
Love evolves through stages of maturity. Understanding these stages helps you recognize where you are in your journey and what you truly desire in relationships.
The three stages of love:
- Neediness: Seeking validation and security from others
- Independence: Prioritizing self-reliance and personal goals
- Divine Offering: Opening as love for the sake of all beings
As you progress through these stages, your capacity for deep intimacy grows. You move from seeking love to fill a void to embodying love as your essence. In the third stage, you learn to open your heart fully, even in the face of pain or fear, offering your love as a gift to all.
5. The Art of Staying Open: Practices for Deepening Love
Love is a discipline, a constant practice and commitment to feel and love your shells, relaxing with humor and surrendering open through your love-softened shells that would otherwise suppress your energy and build walls around your heart.
Love is an art that requires practice. Staying open, especially during challenging moments, is a skill that can be cultivated. By developing practices to remain open-hearted, you can deepen your capacity for love and intimacy.
Key practices for staying open:
- Maintaining eye contact, even during conflict
- Breathing together with your partner
- Relaxing your body, especially soft areas like belly and genitals
- Feeling from your heart into your partner's heart
- Expressing emotions spontaneously and authentically
These practices help you remain connected to your partner and your own heart, even when your instinct might be to close down or protect yourself. By consistently choosing openness, you create a foundation for profound intimacy and love.
6. Attracting Your Reciprocal: The Power of Authentic Yearning
You will attract and inspire a man who can maintain his integrity with the same consistency that you can offer your dance through love-softened shells without collapse or frustration.
Your depth of offering attracts an equal depth of presence. The level of love, trust, and openness you embody naturally attracts and inspires a partner of matching depth. This is not about perfection, but about consistent practice and authentic expression of your heart's yearning.
Ways to embody your authentic yearning:
- Feel and express your deepest heart's desire without compromise
- Practice opening your body to flow with love's energy
- Offer your feminine radiance as a gift, not a manipulation
- Trust love itself, rather than any specific person
By living from your deepest truth and offering your full feminine essence, you create a magnetic field that draws in men capable of meeting you at that depth. This reciprocal attraction forms the basis for a relationship that can continually open both partners to greater love and consciousness.
7. Living as Love's Art: Balancing Heart and Purpose
Your commitment to the 3rd stage art of devotional practice is what attracts and inspires a 3rd stage man of deep integrity.
Love and purpose can coexist harmoniously. Living as love's art means integrating your heart's deepest yearnings with your worldly pursuits. It's about bringing the fullness of your love into every aspect of your life, including your career and daily activities.
Balancing heart and purpose involves:
- Regularly reconnecting with your heart's yearning during work
- Allowing your feminine energy to flow while maintaining professional boundaries
- Seeing your work as an expression of love and service
- Practicing presence and openness in all interactions
By living this way, you attract partners and opportunities that align with your deepest truth. You become a living work of art, expressing love's radiance through every aspect of your being and inspiring others to do the same.
8. Navigating Relationships: When to Stay and When to Go
If you really want to surrender open in two-bodied devotional trust, then choose and stay with a man whose train is already going deeper and further than you can open yourself.
Choosing the right partner is crucial for deep intimacy. It's important to recognize when a relationship supports your growth and when it limits you. Staying in a relationship that doesn't meet your heart's deepest yearning can lead to frustration and stagnation.
Considerations for relationship decisions:
- Does your partner consistently inspire you to open more deeply?
- Can you trust his integrity and presence to guide your heart?
- Are you both committed to growing and practicing love's art?
If the answer to these questions is no, it may be time to consider moving on. Remember, it's better to be alone and open to the possibility of deep love than to settle for a relationship that doesn't allow your heart to fully blossom.
9. Expressing Emotions: The Gift of Spontaneous Responsiveness
Give your man your fullest expression in response to his self-deception or blunders, and allow him the opportunity to learn how to correct himself.
Authentic emotional expression deepens intimacy. Learning to express your emotions spontaneously and responsively, without accumulation or suppression, is a powerful gift to yourself and your partner. It allows for real-time feedback and growth in the relationship.
Benefits of spontaneous emotional expression:
- Prevents buildup of resentment and unexpressed feelings
- Provides immediate feedback for your partner to grow
- Keeps the energy in the relationship fresh and alive
- Allows for deeper trust and vulnerability
Practice expressing your primary emotions—those arising directly from your heart—rather than secondary emotions that come from suppression. This raw, honest sharing creates a dynamic and evolving connection that can continually deepen over time.
10. Embodying Love in Public: Radiance Without Exploitation
You simply carry on with your tasks at hand and continue breathing, feeling, and opening as love's light, without needing men to notice you.
Your feminine radiance is a gift to the world. Learning to embody your love and light in public spaces without seeking validation or exploitation is a powerful practice. It allows you to maintain your depth and integrity while moving through the world.
Practices for embodying love in public:
- Remain connected to your heart's depth, even in professional settings
- Allow your energy to flow fully within your body without "hooking" others
- Breathe and feel the hearts of those around you without entanglement
- Offer your radiance as a blessing, not a plea for attention
By mastering this art, you become a force of love and consciousness in the world, inspiring others through your presence alone. You learn to navigate social and professional spaces with grace, offering your gifts fully without compromising your depth or inviting unwanted attention.
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Review Summary
Reviews of Dear Lover are mixed. Some readers find it deeply insightful and transformative, praising Deida's understanding of feminine essence and relationships. Others criticize it as repetitive, sexist, and overly focused on spiritual sexuality. Positive reviews highlight the book's ability to validate and empower women, while negative reviews argue it promotes harmful gender stereotypes and lacks practical advice. Many readers note the poetic, sometimes erotic writing style, which some appreciate and others find off-putting. Overall, the book seems to resonate more with those open to spiritual and tantric perspectives on love and sexuality.