Ask For It

1. Recognize Your Value and Overcome Self-Doubt

"If you're a woman, you probably have a voice inside your head that whispers: 'Are you sure you're as good as you think you are?'"

Overcome internal barriers. Women often underestimate their worth and hesitate to ask for what they deserve. This self-doubt can lead to missed opportunities and lower compensation. To combat this:

• Recognize and challenge the negative voice in your head
• Acknowledge your accomplishments and unique skills
• Seek feedback from trusted colleagues and mentors
• Compare yourself to appropriate benchmarks, not just other women

Embrace your right to negotiate. Understand that negotiation is not just for high-stakes situations but a tool for everyday life improvement. By recognizing your value and right to negotiate, you can:

• Increase your salary and benefits
• Gain more responsibility and better opportunities
• Improve work-life balance
• Enhance personal and professional relationships

2. Research and Preparation Are Key to Successful Negotiations

"Information is power in a negotiation. The more information you have, the better equipped you'll be to set an aggressive but realistic target and defend your position confidently and persuasively."

Gather comprehensive information. Before entering any negotiation, arm yourself with knowledge about:

• Market rates for your position or services
• Your organization's financial health and policies
• The other party's interests, constraints, and decision-making process
• Industry trends and benchmarks

Utilize multiple sources. To build a strong case:

• Use online resources like salary databases and industry reports
• Leverage your professional network for insider information
• Consult with mentors or career coaches
• Analyze company financial reports and public disclosures

By thoroughly researching and preparing, you'll be able to set realistic targets, anticipate objections, and negotiate from a position of strength.

3. Set High Targets and Ask for More Than You Want

"If you never hear no, you're not asking enough."

Aim high and anchor strategically. Setting ambitious targets is crucial for achieving better outcomes in negotiations. Research shows a direct correlation between what you ask for and what you get.

• Set your target above what you actually want
• Make your first offer higher than your target
• Use the "anchoring" effect to your advantage by starting high

Overcome the fear of overreaching. Many women worry about seeming greedy or unreasonable. Combat this by:

• Reminding yourself of your worth and the value you bring
• Practicing asking for more in low-stakes situations
• Reframing "no" as a normal part of the negotiation process, not a personal rejection

Remember, you're more likely to leave money on the table by asking for too little than by aiming too high.

4. Use Cooperative Bargaining to Create Win-Win Solutions

"When people work together to achieve a mutually satisfactory solution, they're more likely to feel committed to the terms of that agreement."

Focus on interests, not positions. Cooperative bargaining involves understanding the underlying interests of both parties and finding creative solutions that satisfy those interests.

• Ask open-ended questions to understand the other party's needs
• Share information about your own interests and priorities
• Look for ways to "expand the pie" and create value for both sides

Use logrolling techniques. Trade items of different value to each party:

• Identify issues that are high priority for you but low priority for them
• Offer concessions on less important issues in exchange for gains on more important ones
• Propose package deals that address multiple interests simultaneously

By taking a collaborative approach, you can reach agreements that are more satisfying and durable for both parties.

5. Time Your Negotiations Strategically

"Ask when your bargaining power is high and when the other negotiators will be most receptive to your proposal."

Choose the right moment. Timing can significantly impact the outcome of your negotiation. Consider:

• Your recent accomplishments or successes
• The organization's financial health and growth periods
• Changes in leadership or organizational structure
• The other party's mood and stress levels

Be proactive, but patient. While it's important to negotiate early and often, sometimes waiting for the right moment can yield better results:

• After completing a major project or receiving recognition
• During performance reviews or budget planning periods
• When the organization is experiencing growth or success

However, don't wait too long. Prolonged frustration can lead to negative emotions that hinder effective negotiation.

6. Practice and Role-Play to Build Confidence

"Rehearsing ahead of time can prevent this from happening. Once you've anticipated and experienced an emotion while role-playing, that emotion won't feel as raw and powerful when it strikes in your real negotiation."

Simulate real negotiations. Role-playing helps you:

• Anticipate potential objections and practice responses
• Manage emotions and stay focused on your goals
• Refine your language and delivery

Prepare for various scenarios. During role-play:

• Practice with different personalities (aggressive, passive, collaborative)
• Rehearse handling unexpected turns in the conversation
• Experiment with various negotiation strategies and tactics

Seek feedback. After role-playing:

• Ask your partner for honest critique on your performance
• Identify areas for improvement in your arguments and delivery
• Refine your approach based on the feedback received

Regular practice will build your confidence and help you stay calm and focused during actual negotiations.

7. Maintain Likability While Negotiating Assertively

"Make an extra effort to appear likable during your negotiation. This doesn't mean that you should change the substance of what you're asking for or soft-pedal your ambitions and goals."

Balance assertiveness with warmth. Research shows that women face a unique challenge in negotiations: they must be assertive to be effective, but risk being perceived negatively if they come across as too aggressive.

To navigate this:

• Use a friendly, collaborative tone
• Frame requests in terms of mutual benefit
• Express appreciation for the other party's time and consideration

Employ "relentlessly pleasant" strategies:

• Smile and maintain warm eye contact
• Use inclusive language ("we" instead of "I")
• Acknowledge the other party's perspective
• Stay calm and composed, even if tensions rise

By combining assertiveness with likability, you can advocate for yourself effectively while maintaining positive relationships.

8. Control the Pace and Take Breaks When Needed

"Don't let yourself be rushed. Professional negotiators know that managing the pace of a negotiation prevents confusion."

Manage the tempo. Controlling the pace of the negotiation allows you to:

• Process information thoroughly
• Formulate thoughtful responses
• Avoid making hasty decisions under pressure

Strategies for pacing:

• Ask clarifying questions to slow things down
• Summarize points to ensure mutual understanding
• Request time to review complex information

Take strategic breaks. Pausing the negotiation can be beneficial when:

• You need to regroup or consult with others
• Emotions are running high
• You receive unexpected information or proposals

Don't hesitate to say, "Let's take a short break to consider this." Use this time to reassess your strategy and maintain your composure.

9. Focus on Your Target and Resist Settling Too Quickly

"Remember what you really want, what you've identified as your goal, and keep that idea squarely in front of you as you proceed."

Stay focused on your goal. Throughout the negotiation:

• Keep your target value at the forefront of your mind
• Resist the urge to settle for your reservation value (minimum acceptable outcome)
• Be prepared to make multiple counteroffers

Strategies for maintaining focus:

• Write down your target and refer to it during breaks
• Visualize achieving your goal to stay motivated
• Use anchoring techniques to keep the negotiation centered around your target

Avoid premature agreement. Research shows that focusing on your target, rather than your minimum acceptable outcome, leads to better results. Be willing to extend the negotiation and make multiple attempts to reach your goal before settling.

Remember, the negotiation isn't over until both parties agree. By staying focused on your target and resisting the urge to settle quickly, you increase your chances of achieving the outcome you truly want.

Last updated: July 22, 2024